Friendships

     I told people that my my friend Jan bullied me in high school. This was not true. The truth was that she often said she needed a break from our friendship because she was tired of me. I was very overwhelming at times. I get that. She was trying to tell me not to be so demanding. 

     She was my friend because I wanted it not because she did. I feel grateful now. 

     She did like me as a friend and she worked hard at teaching me how to be more true to myself. 

     I mistook her distance at times to be cruelty and bullying. It never was. She was trying to tell me to believe in myself. She wanted me to know I could make friends for myself and not through her. 

     She knew if I wanted to make other friends I could. 

     I did not understand how she could get tired of me. I never got tired of her. 

     I will not force myself on others anymore. I will not expect relationships that are not mine to expect. Nobody should do that. 

     I forced myself on a lot of people. When I was young I did that to some boys and some men sexually. It was wrong. Nobody should do what I did. 

    I will provide a good example now and be respectful of my friends. 

    Thank you Jan, for showing me this. Thank you for believing in me and being my friend when I did not believe in myself.