Fear of Deformity

     Dear Ones, Probably due to a past life I have a deep seated fear of Deformity. I have always had a fear or repulsion to anything less than perfect. Losing my teeth has been a painful reminder that I have needed to work on this long ago. I have always been somewhat attracted to and afraid of the retarded, the maimed, the scarred, the elderly and the disabled. I wanted to champion them and then was afraid to look them in the eye, to listen to them, or to touch them. 

     I have always wanted to be perfect and to look perfect. This caused a callous disregard of others who were not as intellegent or advantaged as I was. I did not know how to talk to people without seeming superior or a know it all. I was mean and said things to people that I did not really want to say. I could not stop myself. 

     I started building a shell around myself to keep myself from being dissapointed. The more mirroring you did, the worse I hid. I became afraid to even go outside at a few points. My manners took a nosedive. I started to curse and make curses and call everyone an asshole. I was really lost. I was scared and so lonely. And then I found Mark. 

     If I had been meditating this would not have been so bad. My parents took me to church where I learned about prayer but not meditation. We must start the very young meditating just as we teach them prayer. Meditation is the discipline and training of the mind to think higher thoughts and resist temptation of evil from entering your consciousness. 

Thank you and Best Wishes,

Miss Diana